Zombie Survival Tactics Q&A

Q: Do zombies exist? How can I prove it?

A: The Authorities Do Not Need You To Prove Zombies Exist.

Movie zombies, Sci-Fi zombies, rotting zombie corpses that rise from the grave to feast on the living, no that’s never going to happen. The dead cannot rise, they are dead and deader.

Depending on the nature of the zombie plague outbreak, real zombies will likely be a result of a viral or bacterial symbiotic parasitic life form, able to keep portions of the body alive to promote it’s agenda. Much like the rabies virus that turns an animal or person against kin, to bite without reason and spread the disease.

Say a government lab improves on the rabies virus to do its worst within half a day instead of thirty days and it gets loose among the civilian population. Frankly it would be hard to tell the difference between a new fast rabies virus and a zombie plague.

Q: Why would a government be interested in zombie research?

A: Any government at war, on the ropes, down to drafting boys and old men for the conflict, will look to science for super weapons. Imagine the dead, yours and the enemy’s rising to spread chaos behind enemy lines. How this may be accomplished varies. Pre-infecting your troops, leaving the infected ahead of the enemy advance, some sort of airborne gas or virus. One strategy may be to infect your own people in a large city, declare it an open city, inviting the enemy occupy a nightmare city of the living dead.

Q: How does the zombie disease take one over?

A: In Zombism disease, proteins that are folded into twists, accumulate inside and around neurons and are thought to damage and kill nearby brain cells. Normally, cells sense the presence of malformed proteins and eliminate them before they do any damage. This is regulated by a process called proteostasis, which the cell uses to control protein levels and quality. Zombism blocks this process.

Q: What is the CDC take on zombies?

A: Their advice is to wait in the shelters for the CDC to come save you. While not admitting zombies exist, they say preparing for the outbreak will have you ready for any disaster, so go for it. Visit the CDC Zombie Page

Q: What is state government’s take on zombies?

A: The Illinois state house of representatives has recently moved to designate October 2017 as Zombie Preparedness Month adding “zombie invasion” to the list of mobilizations for natural disasters and urging residents to be prepared with food and supplies for up to 72 hours.

Q: What is the Pentagon’s take on zombies?

A: They don’t exist, but as they plan for everything including zombies, here’s their report: Zombie.pdf

Q: Why are zombies driven to feast on the flesh of the living.

A: Survival of the dead requires they replenish their fluids.

Q: Why don’t zombies that can not replenish their fluids dry up and cease to function.

A: Zombie skin excretes a waxy substance that seals in moisture so they can survive years without feeding.

Q: Can mosquitoes spread the zombie plague virus?

A: Self respecting mosquitoes do not land on or attempt to take blood from dead things. However, there may be a small window of opportunity where a mosquito could bite the infected just before they turn and then bite an uninfected person and if a tiny amount of virus were passed, a slow burn to zombism would begin.

Q: Why does it seem impossible to elude and escape the slow zombies?

A: You’re supposed to be frozen with fear. Can’t think straight. It’s a movie, that’s why people run upstairs instead of outside to escape.

Q: Can zombies climb ladders, stairs, trees?

A: Let’s hope not. Ladders and trees may depend on the extent of their rotting condition, their arms could detach. There is a theory they can climb stairs, but not descend except by taking a tumble.

Q: Me, my boyfriend, people in our group knows kungfu kick boxing, etc. Can we fight the zombies?

A: Only as a delaying tactic. An unaugmented human blow can not shatter a zombie skull. The zombie brain can not be concussed. The trick is to avoid becoming infected by coming in contact with their teeth and sharpened fleshless finger bones. Heavy leather gloves or actual boxing gloves and steel toed combat boots should do it.

Q: Why don’t injured zombies bleed out? Why does it seem impossible to kill a zombie besides a brain shot?

A: Zombie blood is a sludge that scabs or hardens on contact with the air so even when cut in half the injury is sealed off. In our opinion there may be a zombie heart beat occurring once every several minutes to circulate the sludge thus feeding the body. A heart shot may eventually put down a zombie, though it may take hours to days to take effect. Even the brain shot may need to be the part of the brain and spine that controls body functions as clearly the thinking portion isn’t working.

Q: What should I do if I think I see a sleeping zombie?

A: Let sleeping corpses lie. Get away from there as quickly and quietly as possible. Report the incident to interested authorities.

Q: Zombies ate my neighbors, now what?

A: My condolences. Check if they left any uncontaminated supplies you can use.

Q: Can I have sex with a zombie?

A: Why would you . . . ? The zombie virus is tiny, it will quickly pass through the pores of any form of protection you might attempt to use. While it is theoretically possible to begin, it is unlikely you will finish before becoming zombified.

Q: Why doesn’t the government put football helmets with mouth guards as muzzles on these creatures so they can’t bite people?

A: Zombies aren’t aware of what they have on them. They will continue their clawing attacks in a fruitless attempt to gut munch.

Q: Are 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, Rage Virus victims, zombies?

A: By movie definition, no. However, they may prove to be more possible then other zombie interpretations.

Q: Will there be zombies in heaven?

A: No. When a person dies the soul leaves the body with the last breath, just as it entered with the first. The zombie virus then reanimates the soulless corpse. When the zombie is destroyed it is without a soul to go to heaven. In the case of rage virus zombies, heaven automatically removes all earthly bodily defects such as the rage virus.

Q: Do zombies have super powers?

A: Although Zombies have the power to strike fear in the hearts of the living. They were human beings, they are limited to adrenaline strong at best. The creatures can not grow pointed teeth and other such movie nonsense. Outside of their inability to feel pain, stunning stench and their injury/wound sealing ability, the body they had alive pretty much determines what they can physically do zombified.